I grew up in Botha’s Hill at a village called KwaNyuswa. Growing up, I almost had it all. At school I was bright and very active. As I mentioned though, I almost had it all because I never knew my father and I was raised by my single mother. I believed what she told me at that time whenever I would ask her about my father, that my father had gone to work in a very far away place, hence everything was well in the home.
Years went by and the thought of my father leaving for work didn’t sit well with me and I started asking questions again. That was due to the fact that every month-end, my friend’s parents, that is their fathers, would return home. That made me feel unwanted and sad when I saw my friends meeting their fathers, hugging them and being lifted up in the air. I slowly developed signs of anger, hatred and a short temper. As a result, I isolated myself from my friends and started to look for other means to keep myself occupied.
When I reached secondary school it got worse as I wanted to fit in the group but I couldn’t, so I started hanging around with the naughty group of boys. I started smoking cigarettes, trying to ease my mind, and when I was in grade 10 I started smoking Dagga, which was soon followed by Mandrax (Buttons). It got even worse because I developed a drinking habit as well. My anger and short temper got me to the principal’s office quite a number of times because of bullying and fights at school. In matric the intake of drugs and alcohol grew and got worse so that I failed my matric. Hate and anger kept me in isolation for almost a month.
I left my mother’s house to live with my uncle in Umlazi. There I got my first job at a nightclub as a bouncer, in Chatsworth. I was searching people at the entrance door for drugs and weapons. I submitted the weapons that were found during the search, but I kept the drugs for my own use later at home. I left that job in pursuit of my father’s whereabouts. I called on a friend of mine who was a computer hacker and he tracked my father down through his occupational information. Later I found him in Clermont and got the chance to ask him, “Why did you leave me?” Where have you been all my life?” and “What was wrong with me that you left me?”
With tears in his eyes and apologising he told me that he was a womaniser at the time, and did not want children. He was sad when my mother was pregnant, he tried to stick around and support her but later he moved on with another woman and that was the end of everything. I got so angry that my fists clenched and before I knew it I had knocked him down on the floor. The following morning he called the police and I was taken into custody, but later that day he came and took me out of the police station and we went back home.
My anger and hate made me decide to get a job that would allow and enable me to practice my behaviour and attitude, so I went for security training. I didn’t just want to sit by the gate and do registrations, so I went for the cash-in-transit department. There you become a problem to be eradicated and everyone around you is your enemy, because the cargo you are carrying is what everyone and the thugs want, that money.
It wasn’t long before I lost the job, for pointing the gun at my own boss, for a mere misunderstanding regarding a salary payment. In the process I was stripped of my qualifications, firearm and firearm license and an affidavit assigned with a court order was made declaring me unfit of being in possession of a firearm and to hold a license for a firearm.
I went to my father’s home in Kingscliffe in July of 2016, because my mother had had enough and given up on me. At home in Kingscliffe my father’s sister told me that I had anger management problems when I told her what had been going on in my life. She was right because I could support her statement with the experiences that I had gone through. One day at home while watching television by myself, a programme appeared about the Concerned Young People of South Africa. It also showed a gathering of men praising and worshipping the Lord. I felt my heart sink when I heard some of the testimonies from them about where they were, what they went through and how the Lord has helped them change their lives. At that moment my Aunt walked in and asked if I was enjoying the programme and told me that she knew the place. I told her I wanted to change my life and asked her if she could help me get to CYPSA.
On the 3rd of December 2016 I came to CYPSA with my heavy burden, sins, misbehaviour, anger and short temper. My first week was very hard withdrawing from drugs, but the group of young men I met in my room, they encouraged me. They said they also went through the same difficulties, but I must trust the Lord to help me. After finding a counsellor and making my life right, my heavy load that I came with became lighter and I felt my spirit freed from the devil's chains and bondage.
I’ve since found peace in my heart to forgive and reconcile with both my parents. Well as for my father, I’m happy to have him in my life, united as father and son. I would like to thank God for rescuing me from the devil’s grasp and bondage. In a way that I have the privilege to be a father to my own son and his twin sisters whom I had not supported until now.